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As time draws closer the conversations between Jim and I grow more intense and more frequent about Erich's departure. We're reassuring ourselves that all will be fine and he will get out of this experience everything he is hoping to. It's up to him to make it now, there is little we can to do help anymore. Sometimes it feels like I've done what I could as mother, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst - but the best I could and now it's out of my hands, now it's in someone elses. And yet I want to do more, want to prepare him more for the time to come, want to tell him more about experiences I've had in my life just like Jim wants to tell him more about experiences he's had in the Military. Knowing full well that there is little left to tell him that we haven't already and that now it's his turn to make and collect those experiences.
Conversations with other people about Erich's decision to join haven't all been positive, some have even been negative. Everyone is allowed to their own opinion and I certainly do not have a problem with that. I can only slightly smile at reactions such as: "I would've forbid my child to join and do this". Forbid a 20 year old? Really?
I guess over time I'll hear more negative things but that's ok, I can handle it. Most of my friends and family are supportive, if not of the Army per se then at least of Erich, and that's all I'm ever asking for.
Just this afternoon Jim and I once again talked about how time is growing closer and how to handle the day of his departure to basic training and later on I mentioned to Erich how it's only a few more weeks and he said: "Mom, it's 39 more days."
39 more days.............
Slowly but surely May 5th is creeping up on me and the closer the date of his departure comes the less I know if I'm ready for it. But it really doesn't matter if I am or not, important is that he's ready - and boy is he ever. If it was up to Erich he'd rather leave tomorrow instead of in a few weeks from now. And because I know that's what he wants now I'm excited for him.
It's still an odd thought for me, knowing that when he moves out this time that'll be it, no moving back home anymore I'm sure. He enlisted for 6 years, so the only thing we can expect is him coming home for visits for a while. It's also still odd to think of him as a soldier and I'm sure as much as I'm trying to prepare now it won't really sink in until he leaves, or even more so when we go see him at graduation, and there is no doubt that we will be going there to see him graduate.
He too is preparing by running, cycling, reading about different military things, going to pt with his recruiter and a group of other future soldiers once a week and just doing what he can to stay busy and out of trouble ;).
So life moves forward one day at a time, him usually saying:"but it's such a long time until May 5th yet." And me usually thinking:"it'll be here before we know it."
Cape Coral, FL.
16th Feb., 2010
It seems like only yesterday that I was walking around with a big baby belly, anticipating the birth of my first, and as we would later learn my only, child and although we weren't told by any doctor if it would be a boy or a girl we just knew. We knew because we felt it, and we knew because a very important important person in our lives told us and we were right. Before I knew if I was ready to be a mom, or if my still pretty new husband would be ready to be a Dad there he was, our little baby boy Erich. Ready or not the journey began, and now it's been nearly 21 years since it began. It's been quite a ride for all involved I'm sure and every step that boy took had something special about it.
As a mom I wasn't the overly clingy type, willing to a point to let him try things his way, good or bad. He's made some choices in the past that haven't been the best, but haven't we all? He's made some mistakes from which he's hopefully learned from and had things not go the way he's had them planned - but each step made him into the person he has become and will continue to make him into the man he's growing into. And every step has been a learning process for me as well. Both his Dad and I have partially grown up with him and he's taught us things no one else could have.
Even though he's pretty much an adult now, his life continues to change. Circumstances and choices have brought him to this new fork in his road and he's chosen to do something positive with his future. It was a decision that didn't come easy for him and I'm sure he had to wrestle with himself quite a bit to make it, but he did it ~ he's decided that for now the Army would be the right way to go. So he went through his testing, he went through is physical, he's signed and he's focusing on the future. This journey will continue come May 5th when he will head of to Ft. Leonard Wood, MO. for BCT and AIT (school). After that we'll have to wait and see where he'll go.
My feelings about letting my only child head into the Military? It's a bag of mixed emotions, has been from the beginning thoughts of it and will be until well into his career I'm sure. In the end the only thing that matters is that I'm very proud of him and that I will support him whereever and whenever I can. Anything I can do to help him in any way possible I'll be there, and so will his Dad.
From surprising, amazing little bundle of boy to a young man starting his journey toward becoming a proud American soldier - what a road.
