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As time draws closer the conversations between Jim and I grow more intense and more frequent about Erich's departure. We're reassuring ourselves that all will be fine and he will get out of this experience everything he is hoping to. It's up to him to make it now, there is little we can to do help anymore. Sometimes it feels like I've done what I could as mother, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst - but the best I could and now it's out of my hands, now it's in someone elses. And yet I want to do more, want to prepare him more for the time to come, want to tell him more about experiences I've had in my life just like Jim wants to tell him more about experiences he's had in the Military. Knowing full well that there is little left to tell him that we haven't already and that now it's his turn to make and collect those experiences.
Conversations with other people about Erich's decision to join haven't all been positive, some have even been negative. Everyone is allowed to their own opinion and I certainly do not have a problem with that. I can only slightly smile at reactions such as: "I would've forbid my child to join and do this". Forbid a 20 year old? Really?
I guess over time I'll hear more negative things but that's ok, I can handle it. Most of my friends and family are supportive, if not of the Army per se then at least of Erich, and that's all I'm ever asking for.
Just this afternoon Jim and I once again talked about how time is growing closer and how to handle the day of his departure to basic training and later on I mentioned to Erich how it's only a few more weeks and he said: "Mom, it's 39 more days."
39 more days.............
Slowly but surely May 5th is creeping up on me and the closer the date of his departure comes the less I know if I'm ready for it. But it really doesn't matter if I am or not, important is that he's ready - and boy is he ever. If it was up to Erich he'd rather leave tomorrow instead of in a few weeks from now. And because I know that's what he wants now I'm excited for him.
It's still an odd thought for me, knowing that when he moves out this time that'll be it, no moving back home anymore I'm sure. He enlisted for 6 years, so the only thing we can expect is him coming home for visits for a while. It's also still odd to think of him as a soldier and I'm sure as much as I'm trying to prepare now it won't really sink in until he leaves, or even more so when we go see him at graduation, and there is no doubt that we will be going there to see him graduate.
He too is preparing by running, cycling, reading about different military things, going to pt with his recruiter and a group of other future soldiers once a week and just doing what he can to stay busy and out of trouble ;).
So life moves forward one day at a time, him usually saying:"but it's such a long time until May 5th yet." And me usually thinking:"it'll be here before we know it."
