It's Christmas all over...

...whether we're ready or not. It'll be a strange kind of Christmas this year, one we always knew would happen sooner or later, one we kept hoping to avoid regardless of this knowledge. It'll come and we'll celebrate it the same way we do every year, and yet it'll be completely different then it's ever been. We'll enjoy Christmas Eve with some light food, a lit tree, candles burning and Christmas music playing softly in the background, and yet part of us and our thoughts will be miles away. Christmas morning we'll make coffee, take down our stockings and see what Santa has left us over night, we'll have a smile and a tear because we'll take down one stocking less then usual. The dogs will get their treats and we'll think of Christmases past. 

21 years ago we had this skimpy, little Charley Brown tree with just a couple of presents underneath it but we were able to hold the best present ever in our arms, our then 7 month old baby. He was fascinated by the lights and the shiny ornaments and he received one of his favorite teddy bears back then, that bear carried him through many childhood boo boo's and problems. 

Today that baby is a US Soldier and is stationed far away from home and therefore we'll spend our first Christmas without our son, and that alone makes it totally different then it has ever been. We were sad when we found out he couldn't make it home, but we certainly understand the reasons why.
We are happy that he is still in the same country and time zone as us, a blessing that many other Military families don't get to have this year, and I'll be thinking about each and every one of them. We know our son is in a safe place, together with friends, keeping warm without being horribly hot and doing well.


I had the chance to bring him Christmas early, to spend some time with him, to see where and how he lives and spends his days these days. I got to talk to him lots, laugh with him and just sit and enjoy his company for a few days and I will cherish this memory as much as many other memories from the past.


He's all grown up these days and one day he'll start his own Christmas traditions - which hopefully we'll still be a part of somehow. 
This year however his Dad and I will sit, have our Christmas coffee and share some stories we haven't talked about in a while and maybe dig up some old pictures to remind us of that very first family, Charley Brown holiday together.


Merry Christmas to All!

And so time moves on

For a long time I was pretty comfortable in the fact that the Army wasn't completely foreign to me, that I had some clue as to how things work and didn't have quite as many open questions as some parents who's kids surprise them with the fact that they are becoming a Soldier. But let me tell you something, being an Army wife 18 years ago and being an Army mom now are two totally different stories. You set your cell phone to a certain ringer so that you always know when it's your kid calling, and you answer that call just about anywhere. You want to see pictures of where they live now, you want to hear more about their day to day life then you ever thought you'd ask for and you're trying to learn the fact that you're not going to get all the information that you might want.

The phone calls, far and few in between during Basic Training become very frequent during AIT, thank's to cell phones. Then once they get to their first permanent duty station the calls still come in almost daily for a while and although you're very happy about all this communication you know that any day now it'll stop. Hopefully not all together but it will become much less frequent because let's face it, we didn't call home on a day to day basis once we moved out did we? Once life on our own really got started I was to busy to call home daily, sometimes days without ever talking to my parents would pass before I knew it. I had a child to raise and a new country to get used to. And now my child has a Military career to get under way, and has to make his own new home - at least for the time that he'll spend there.
So now we relish in the small things and are happy to every once in a while hear that we are still needed by our kids - mostly for moral support and sending homemade baked goods :-))

Cell phones & Internet make it easier then ever to stay in touch and even if it's just a quick "good morning" or "I love you". 
Right now I'm a little sad because this Thanksgiving will be the first one we'll be spending without Erich and we're not entirely sure what to do with ourselves yet. There is also a chance that he won't be home for Christmas and I know that will make me sad and he would be very much missed if that'll happen.
But I'm well aware of the fact that we can count ourselves blessed because at least he's still in the same country and out of harms way for the time being. 
I've always supported our troops but I've become much more aware of the dangers of it all and since I've become friends with other Army Moms, which are a great support group, I've also seen how hard it can be when their kids have to head to places that are everything but safe. Through the same bunch of women I've learned of very, very sad things and I've got to witness very, very happy moments, all of them emotional in one way or another.
Because they may be all adults now, and they may be proud Soldiers now - in the end they are still our kids and always will be. 

And before you know it

His leave is up and he heads back out. And I realize full well that that's the way it's going to be from now on - that he will only come home on vacation and no longer lives here. Each time he'll come and take something else back with him until there won't be any of his things left in "his" room. But you know what? It's ok! I miss him and wish he was closer, but he's a grown man now and although he doesn't have any problems acting like a 13 year old when together with friends, he's proving again and again that he's not a teenager anymore. He's also learning to be an adult at the same time. 
Suddenly being a Soldier and living on post without being told each step he has to make is a bit confusing at first. To realize that this is now your job, you get up in the morning, do your pt, go train and work your job and then go home, change into civilian clothes and do whatever it is one does - it's a new experience. 
So hubby and I have had to learn to let go, and Erich has had to learn to go and I think we're all starting to get used to this situation. None of this means that we're any less close. Erich will always be our 'boy' and I hope we'll always continue to have the tight relationship we have now, eventually perhaps with more members added to the family. We continue to talk just about every day and I like that, that's where cell phones and the internet come in handy. I'm sure that too will stop one day and phone calls will happen less frequently but that too is fine as long as I know he's happy an healthy.

He seems to be doing well in his new place, has a nice room with everything he needs, is in a pretty area and is meeting new people. There is much left to learn, about the job and about life and I'm sure he'll master all of it.

You just never know....

The date was the 11th of September 2010 - and this time it was a great date! Erich was to finally come home to visit after finishing AIT and starting his first duty station in VA. It was also a Saturday and his Dad and I were getting all geared up to pick him up from the Airport that late evening.
The day started slow for I didn't have to work and sat at home with a cup of coffee thinking about how great it will be to see my Soldier. Erich had called and we talked on the phone for a while. Shortly after said phone call my doorbell rang. To be honest I have to say that I didn't feel like opening the door because let's face it, I was being lazy and wasn't even dressed yet and the last thing I felt like doing was talking to someone trying to sell me something at the door. And so I tried to ignore the bell but it rang again and the dogs barked loudly again. I peeked through the blinds and didn't see a car nor a person and I figured the mailman must've dropped something off. Just turned away from the window when the bell rang again!! Ok ok, I decided to throw some clothes on and see who insists on buggin me on a Saturday morning.
And I'm sure you guessed it.............................I opened my door and had a full fledged Soldier standing there with a big old grin on his face! My first reaction was a friendly tap on the back of his head together with the words: "you're not supposed to be here yet"! Followed by a big old bear hug and utter joy to have him home. I was not the only one happy:

                  

He had been in town since the night before, hidden by his friends, knowing all along that he wanted to surprise his parents. Guess that was the payback for his surprise going-away party back in April ;-)
Before showing up at home he had gone and scared his Dad half to death at his work, even managing to bring a few happy tears to Dad's eyes in front of everyone.

Since coming home he's been out a lot with friends. Trying to see everyone, spending the night here and there and everywhere, sometimes even at home. He's making sure to spend quality time with Mom & Dad as well and bring friends to the house to hang out and chit chat, we enjoy having them around. 

I'm at awe watching the man he has become while still being my friendly and sweet son. 
It'll be hard to let him go again come Saturday the 25th but then it will be time for him to start the next step in his journey and if all goes as planned he'll be back home for Christmas.

The moral of this story? You just never know who's gonna show up and ring your doorbell!

What's next?

As I sit here with nothing much to do for the day I keep thinking how much all of our lives have changed during the past few years and I wonder what will happen next. Look at Erich. How excited were we when the time came close for him to finish High School (something we thought we might never see there for a while - LOL) and what a milestone that was. On the heels of it followed a few years of uncertainty as to which direction to take his life. He tried moving away, tried coming back, tried college, tried finding a job and eventually realized that none of these tries were working out for him, although I'm sure he needed each one to get him where he is today. 
At the beginning of this year he decided to become a Soldier, and regardless of my fears and feelings about the subject there really wasn't any other choice but to be proud and supportive. I hoped daily that he wouldn't regret the choice he made and that he would find the confidence and strength to pull through those first few difficult months of training - everything else would come with time.
And boy did he ever. He went from a kid almost 21 years old that could barely do a handful of push-ups to a full grown man of 21 years old doing many, many push-ups within 2 minutes. He went from not knowing what to do with himself the next day to knowing what he wants and knowing that it's in his power to get if he only applies himself. 
He's made tremendous changes during the last 5 months, physically as well as mentally and I can only assume that the next year or so many more changes will be happening.
Erich has completed basic training and is as good as done with advanced individual training, only 4 more days to go and another graduation will be happening for him. At this very moment we are not sure yet where the next step in his journey will be, if he will remain stateside for a bit or head on overseas - but it doesn't matter all that much. He will go where ever he's needed and where ever he's asked to go and he will make the best of it.

But first he'll be home for 2 weeks and we can't wait to have him here with us and to spend some time with him. 
And then, with much curiosity will we ask and see: what's next?

AIT - the next step

So after our weekend together after his BCT graduation he was suppose to move on with his AIT, advanced individual training. He moved from his old barracks into his new barracks, his old unit to a new one, from one company to the next.
After all the moving and doing and preparing for AIT he got his first real taste of Army hurry up and wait - him and a bunch of other soldiers got held back from their start date because to many soldiers started training that week and not enough open spots. Which brought with it the move from the new barracks to some other new barracks, from one company to another company, plus some pt and lot's of cleaning - and more cleaning. Then there was some bored waiting around and oh did I mention, they got to do a lot of cleaning :). Today should finally be the day that school at least started. Haven't heard anything new yet but the perks of AIT are that he can call home nearly every day, sometimes even twice and we don't have to anxiously await the Sunday phone calls anymore. Missing a call doesn't feel quite as horrible since we know we can try to call him back in the evening or text him. 
I can't wait to hear about the new things he'll learn during this step. Plus in a few short weeks he should find out where his first duty station will be and of course we're all very excited to hear where he'll wind up first. Overseas or State side? In one of the places he noted on his 'wish list' or someplace totally different? Will he like it there and what new things will happen in his life then?


So many things are going to come his way yet, things he can't quite fathom yet I think, things that will surprise him even though he thinks he's prepared. Good things, bad things - some of which we might be able to help him through, most he'll have to go through by himself. Live and learn will take on a whole new meaning. 


But no matter what he hopefully knows that we will always be here to listen and help whenever and where ever we can.

Basic Training - the end!

The graduation ceremony was wonderful and my son, although still pretty bruised and banged up looking, looks great and we couldn't be prouder!
For all those that said: "you won't recognize him and it'll take you forever to find him" - you were wrong . We spotted him immediately during formation. But he did change of course, stronger in body and mind. Yet still my boy.
 
 We arrived in St. Louis Tuesday afternoon, picked up our rental car and drove the 2.5 hrs. to the Super8 in St. Robert where we checked in and put our stuff away. Then we drove to Fort Leonard Wood, about 10 minutes away depending on traffic and got a map at the gate. Drove around for a bit seeing where we needed to go next day. After that we grabbed some dinner at Ryan's Buffet (not horrible, nothing to write home about either), went swimming at the hotel and then just watched TV and went to sleep. The next morning my sister-in-law and her family arrived from Michigan (surprise for my son) and together we headed back to post.

Found a parking spot and followed the crowd to the front of his units barracks where they stood at formation already. 

After a little while we got a short briefing along with the soldiers and then they were released to the family. Big hugs for Mom & Dad and then he spotted the rest of the family and just couldn't believe they were here.
After all the big hello's Dad and him got in line to sign him out for an on post pass until 15:30 hours that day.

We went to the PX with him so he could get a few things he needed, ate some lunch on post (there was no meet & greet or eating in the chow hall or anything like that) and spent some time in the Museum before taking him back to his unit.

Next morning of course was Graduation and to be honest I still have so many feelings about that day that it's hard to put into words. The ceremony was wonderful and everyone stood proud - and was as loud as possible with the hooah's and bulldog bark (my son's platoon), it was great. Afterward he was able to go of post with us until evening and then Friday, after moving to his new unit (he's doing 7 weeks AIT at FLW too) we got to pick him up again and keep him with us until we had to leave to go back to the Airport this morning.
I am in awe of my son at this time and couldn't stop looking at him the entire time. He's undergone so many changes for the good and deep down is still my boy, still doesn't mind hugging his parents in public and showing the affection that he feels. 

PVT E2 Erich Brown

Hard to believe...

...but Basic Combat Training is essentially over! I got to talk to Erich for a few all to short moments this afternoon but I cherish each and every one of those minutes. This week had been the first week we haven't gotten any mail from him in about 5 or 6 weeks, but we knew ahead of time that we would not. Last weekend they were lucky enough to get their cellphones for the entire weekend and so we got to talk on and off most of the weekend since they also had a weekend pass. This is why I knew that their had their final 3 days of testing out in the field this week. 
All the things they have learned since May 5th and a few new ones had to be practiced and they had to prove that they 'got it'. They had shooting exercises with life rounds, putting up tents, working a fake town, cleaning their weapons, physical and mental work and marching 15k's in full gear with ruck sack and all. This march was done during a hard pouring rain that made everything so dark that the only thing you could see was the light stick of the guy walking in front of you. 
But he's made it through this too and so now things are pretty much done and passed. 

The next few days will be spend working on Graduation ceremony since this is a big step for all the new soldiers and their families and everything has to off without a hitch. Although I strongly believe the families wouldn't care all that much if it's perfect or not, we just want to see our children/spouses/family members and friends. Want to see what has changed in them over the past couple of months, want to hear more of what they have learned and how they feel about everything.  We just want to sit across from them at a dinner table and talk, want them to show us where they've spent all those past weeks, want to take them off post if possible and maybe spend an afternoon swimming and hanging out. And I'm sure us mom's just want to watch them do the most normal, regular things that before we haven't paid much attention to in years.

Hubby and myself will hop on an airplane Tuesday, grab our rental car at the Airport and head to St. Robert from St. Louis, about a 2 hr. ride. Once there we will check into the hotel and then head to Fort Leonard Wood to see where we have to be the next morning. Wednesday morning we'll be on post going through some briefings of how the next couple of days are suppose to work and then we should get to spend the day with Erich on post. He has to be back in formation that evening and we'll head back to the hotel, full of different emotions I imagine.
Thursday morning will be the time of graduation, our son in a Class A uniform standing tall and proud. After that he might get the chance to be just be a regular person for a little while, getting of post, doing things everyone else does. 
Although he has learned a lot during BCT and has grown up tremendously I'm not sure if it has really sunk in yet that his life won't ever be like it was before.

Friday will be a day of us doing whatever he would like to do. Saturday we'll have a nice breakfast together and then we'll have to head back to the Airport and get back home while he will go back to continue is education into this new world of his - also called AIT (Advanced Individual Training).

HE PASSED...

...HE PASSED!!!!! Not that I'm excited or anything . But those of you have been following our story know how he's struggled from the first day with PT. First practice test he could barely pass any of it, always slightly shy of passing. Then he shaved 3 minutes off his run time and didn't have any more problems with it. He also managed to pass the sit-ups well during the last practice test but those push-ups..boy they were difficult. He's been saying how he's using every free minute to practice and work on it and then yesterday came the 'final' PT test.

He also told me last Sunday that they would have their warrior competition and when (notice not "if" or "should we") they win that they would get an extra day pass for today - they also got one for Sunday this week. And he told me when he was done with BCT he'd get a cellphone.

So we've been holding our breath about the pt test for 2 days now when suddenly my phone rang about an hour ago. I see the MO area code and picked up right away and here is the conversation that followed!
Erich: "Hi Mom, I'm calling you from my new cell phone just to let you know I have it and I love you."
Me: "How on earth did you get the chance to buy a cell phone and why are you getting to use it today, and yes I love you too??"
Erich: "Because we're awesome!"
Me: "What does that mean?"
Erich: "We won the warrior competition like I said and got the free pass - and I passed my pt test yesterday!!!"
Me: "OMG I'm so happy and excited for you and also so proud! Congrats to you and to the platoon for winning."
Erich: "Thank's mom but I gotta go, it's really crazy around here and I'll try to call back before I have to turn the phone back in at 16:30pm."

I'm relieved and happy for him and he sounds the same, sounds really great as a matter of fact. Most everything he needed to pass is done and now they will mostly concentrate on graduation things.

Once again time is drawing closer

And this time we couldn't be more excited! Everyone told me it would happen, everyone said that his time in basic training would go by fast and now that I'm looking back at the last couple of months I have to say everyone was not wrong. It's still 20 days away but I'm hoping these will also go by quickly and then I'm wishing for a couple of real slow days.
He's been doing well throughout most of his training, the only thing that could threaten his graduation from BCT now is if he doesn't get the number of push-ups he needs, but I have faith in him and more importantly, he has faith in himself so I'm sure he will pass this last hurdle yet. 
PT seemed to have been the most difficult time for him during training. During the first practice test he was 2 seconds slow on his run - yes, I said 2 seconds which would fail him during a real test. By next time he had shaved almost 3 minutes of his time and passed with flying colors. Sit-ups also not an easy thing for him, but those too he passed by now. The push-ups are still a little off but he'll be fine I'm sure. I believe the final test is next week on the 1st.


Last week they did had to qualify in marksmenship and he was one shot shy of sharpshooter! Yes, I said 1 shot ;). He's very good with taking care of his weapon and shooting it. He's got that from his momma *LOL*.


The heat in Fort Leonard Wood equals the heat here in SW Florida at this time and I can't say I envy our soldiers having to hike 10+ k's in full army gear, including back packs and such. Putting up tents, taking them back down all within a short amount of time. I'm sweating just making it through my regular days, I can't imagine having to do most of it dressed in long pants, shirts and without much A/C. But they do it, every day and for that, among many other things I have great respect for them.


Erich has asked for very little throughout his time in training. A few letters every week, some pictures of us, friends and dogs, cough drops, stamps, insoles for his boots and a phone card - all things I gladly sent out knowing they might make his day just a touch easier. 
Because the realization that there is less and less for you to do as mom, and less and less you can do in his life isn't always an easy thing.


Every letter and every phone call you cherish. You re-read his letters and read something new between the lines in almost all of them. You re-play the phone calls in your head and try to pay close attention to how he sounds. And you learn how much more there is to know about him, how many sides of him you didn't know before, and my guess is he didn't know about himself either.


In today's mail we received the first picture they ever took of him after he started. On the back of his Dad's picture he wrote: "Thank's Dad, you are the #3 reason I'm able to pull this off every day." And on the back of my picture he wrote: " And thank's Mom, you are the #2 reason I'm able and willing to pull this off every day." And in the short note attached to the pictures he wrote: "And the #1 reason is - myself". 
THAT is exactly what I hoped for, that he finally realize what a great guy he is and how much he has to give. That he finally finds confidence in himself and his abilities, and I think he's finaly getting there. He now knows that he's not doing things for us, but for his own life. If the Army wouldn't teach him anything else I know he already took something very important out of this experience. 
But I do hope there will be much more positive learning for him!!


Look at my little soldier..........

....and look at him now :)

Halfway there!

Well we've made it to the halfway point of BCT and I can't express the way his letters make me feel. Just today I've been missing him dreadfully and coming home I found his letter in mailbox, just like if I ordered it .

And I wish I could let you all read some of his letters because he "sounds" exhausted, mentally and physically - and at the same time you can read he's enjoying the things they teaching so very much. He's talking about the entire platoon getting smoked because after pitching 70 tents in administrative formation within an hour (which is good) the DS' then decided they'd rather have them in tactical formation which they did not manage to do on time.

Here a part of his letter: " So once we got 4 hrs. of sleep we moved on to the confidence course. Big obstacles, really tall ones, human ladders, 9 ft of the ground balancing beams. It was a lot of fun but I have giant ripped off calluses/ new blisters on my hands and mole skin doesn't work real well on hands.
And today we repelled off of the warrior tower. That was nerve wrecking as hell but after you took that first step so so much fun!
Things are getting easier but I still miss you every day."

There is so much excitement there and so much positive that I can't even wait to hear what he has to tell us next!!

Memorial Day

It's a day you've always known about. A day you might spend with friends and family for a cook-out and some togetherness. A day you welcome summer back for another season and a day you might enjoy off from work, just relaxing and perhaps watching a parade. 

That's how your Memorial Days have pretty much been going for years and then suddenly you've become the mom of a Soldier and you see things differently. You think of those having served before him, the ones that didn't make it back home, the ones that were hurt during battle and the ones that are still out there fighting and doing what every soldier does day by day - you think of all those more clearly. You think more of their families that are left behind, fighting their own battles and holding down their own forts. 
You look at the old veterans handing out little flags today, the ones marching in the parade and sitting on the sidewalks watching a little more intensely as you're wondering what they have experienced during their time in the service. And although you've always had a smile, a friendly hello and a nod of the head for them before, suddenly you want to go and shake each and every one of their hand and just thank them for their service. Thank them for all they have done in their lifetime to protect their country, to take care of their families and friends, to pave the roads for future soldiers, just like they will continue to pave it for future generations of soldiers. And you want to tell them you're glad they're here, glad they made it back safe and sound.

Happy Memorial Day!

3 weeks in

So it's been almost 3 weeks since Erich started his new path of life and although it's a hard road to take he seems to do well with it so far. Sure the hours are long, but not as long as he thought since he gets to bed early at night and seems to get a good 6 hours of sleep at least. 

He's already experienced things like getting a gun and learning to strip it down to the bare core, clean all the parts and put it back together. The Gas Chamber which is lot's of fun for all involved - ok, not really :) But he was proud that no one in his company threw up afterward, I am being told that that's a big deal! He's been a squad leader, has done lot's and lot's of cleaning since church isn't his thing on Sundays and has "enjoyed"  Missouri's ever changing weather (cold in the am, hot and muggy in the afternoon). 

He's learned that Basic Training isn't quite what it was when his father did it some 20+ years ago, that it's gone a bit 'softer' but that it's still a lot to take in, a lot of things physically and mentally to learn and deal with. Being away from home seems a lot harder then the first time around, being away from friends that he cares and worries about is tough for someone like Erich, not being able to call anytime he feels like isn't something he (or his parents for that matter) likes very much. But we're all aware that it'll get better further down that new path and that we're very proud of him already.
He's turned into a bit of a writer since Internet and phone aren't happening and so we get letters once or twice a week, which has us racing to the mailbox on a daily basis in the hopes to find more news from him. Just like we race to the phone each time it rings.

So missing him hasn't changed at this point and we can not wait to see him in July for his Graduation. But we're adjusting at home as he's adjusting away from home I'm sure. 
This, just like having him and raising him is a learning process for us all and nobody knows what the future will hold.

To be continued....... 

Happy Birthday Erich

21 years ago today I was exhausted, tired, sore and as amazed and happy as never before.
Shortly after meeting my (future) husband I became very ill and landed in the hospital for a day during which I was told by a doctor that I was not going to be able to have any children due to ovary and scare tissue issues, devastating news for someone that had always wanted to be a mom. I cried to the fairly new boyfriend who took care of me and cooked me dinner and I moved on with life trying to accept the situation as it was. A few months later I got sick with what I assumed to be the flu ~ turned out to be a pregnancy! 
Considering the circumstances I should've been happy but at first I was simply shocked. Jim and I had talked about marriage but had not made any final plans, I was young and had no direct plans as to the future, and I was scared what Jim might say or do. He was gone for a few days and upon his return I told about him our news and I don't think he could've been any happier. We decided to get married a little sooner then planned. Then the doctors came along and thought that it might not be a good idea for me to continue with the pregnancy, that as the baby would grow so would my problems and it might be better to end it right there. That came from the same doctors that told me I couldn't get pregnant in the first place and I did, so ending the pregnancy wasn't even an option. But they were correct, it would prove to be a difficult pregnancy at best - with many hospital visits and more doctor appointments then most people. It was scary, hard and painful but never did I have a shadow of a doubt that it was the right thing to do.
He was due on the 2nd of May, that day came and went without a single labor pain, and so did the next few days. I had check-up after check-up until the doc said it was time, whether the baby wanted to or not. Went into the hospital at 6pm on the 15th May and had labor induced shortly after. Contractions started and continued, but that was the only success for many hours. Early in the morning hours another induction, more labor, more pain - more of everything. Of course I was silly enough to want to do this the natural way and back then epidurals weren't exactly offered ahead of time. 14+ hours after going into the hospital my child finally decided that it was ok to come along and suddenly we had this healthy, happy, big baby boy in our arms. He looked just like his Daddy and had a head full of blond hair.


21 years ago today I was exhausted, tired, sore and as amazed and happy as never before. 21 years ago I gave birth to a little boy who would turn our lives upside down by making us grow up and teaching us many different things. 21 years ago I gave birth to a little boy who grew into a wonderful friend to many, a son we're very proud of and now a future American Soldier who will hopefully accomplish everything in life that will make him happy.


Erich, we miss you, we love you and we are more then thrilled that you've decided to join us so many years ago, you turned into a wonderful young man!

I wish I could...

...just pick up the phone and talk to Erich right now. The fact that we can't is proving to be the hardest part right now. Him not being physically here is a little odd but not really bad, but not being able to talk to him whenever, especially now that there is so much he would have to tell, is difficult. Just have to keep reminding myself that this will only be like this for BCT, once he gets to school or even later on it will be easier for him to call.
He did manage to call on Thursday even if it was for only 1.5 minutes. He mentioned that he had to fill out a ton more paperwork that day and that he had his hair cut. Then yesterday should've been uniform day and I'm guessing there will be some medical things to come such as shots and eyes. He wished me a happy Mothers day since he doesn't think he'll get a chance to call tomorrow. 
I've already started to write letters and don't even have an address yet :)

And so...

...the day arrived. This morning he slept in a little and then one of his best friends came over. Erich finished clearing out his room a little and packing his backpack with the few items he was able to take with him. We did a few more errands while Jim had to work for a few hours today. After the errands the boys took me to the local ice cream store and we had a few good laughs talking about their past as 'little' boys and some of things they pulled when younger.
Later more people came by to say good-bye and drop of some more phone cards for him (thank's guys!) and so we just spend the day doing this and that - doing it together.

After Jim arrived home from work we said farewell to everyone and started our 2 1/2 hour ride to Tampa. Once we reached the Hotel Erich went to sign in, get his room assigned and get instructions for the next few hours. Once that was done we were able to enjoy a dinner together at the hotel restaurant where many other new soldiers were eating as well. My first thought upon looking at them was: "good lord they're just babies!". Then I looked at my husband and thought: "good lord, we weren't any older then they are when we got married and had Erich and were in the Army". As a matter of fact we were exactly the same age.

We then stood outside for a  while and then came the moment I dreaded a little, the hugs and kisses good-bye. I didn't want to cry, I wanted the last thing he saw on my face this evening be a smile and pride, and not a teary mess. And that's exactly what he did get to see, no tears. So then he went back to his room and we headed back home.

Tomorrow morning him and the others will board a plane and start a new life. I feel like the road we've always traveled together now has split in 2 directions with him going a different direction then I am. And although I know that's the way it should be I'm still going to find this road a little harder to travel for a while.

Almost there

Hard to believe but it's almost time, 5 more days. He's had a quick test today involving running, sit and push-ups and passed that without any problems. He got directions to where we need to take him and will get a list of things he should be bringing with him. That list will be fairly short since they are to travel light and will be getting all Army gear after in processing. 
Tuesday we will take him up to Tampa where he will be spending the night with other future soldiers at a special hotel. This is where we'll drop him off and say our good-byes. Then we'll head back home and he will get to bed early since his night will be over at 4:30 am. I don't know exactly when their flight leaves at this time, but it'll be sometime Wednesday morning I'm sure. Sometime in the afternoon he should arrive at Fort Leonard Wood, MO. where his in-processing begins. I've heard that usually takes between 4-6 days and then the real basic training will begin. 
Of course I don't know the details but my blog won't end once he leaves, so everyone reading here will learn more along the way - just like I will.

10 days to go

So the longest wait for him is just about over. His room is all packed into different categories, things to be donated, things to keep for a later life, things he might want us to send once he has his first permanent duty station and things that can go in the trash.
He spends time with us, spends time with his friends and last night we spend time all together. We rented a home and threw him a going away/ early birthday surprise party - and boy was it a surprise. Not until about the last hour or so before did he know something was going on, but he had no clue what. That in part was due to his great friends who managed to keep their mouth shut and get him were he needed to be in the afternoon, I sure appreciated their help.
So many people came by too which made me very happy and hopefully showed him that people do care about him and what he is about to do. A lot of our friends that have known Erich for quite some time now, a lot of his friends, some from when he went to High School here and some that are a little newer but still pretty close - they all were a great bunch of young people.


Next week I'll be making a few more of his favorite dishes and next weekend we'll let him decide what he wants to do and how he wants to spend it. Tomorrow we should find out more details about where and when to drop him off on the 5th and I'm guessing the next few days will pass quickly. 

Cinco de Mayo

Today I took the 5th of May off from work. The 5th of May is my sisters birthday, as well as my bosses birthday and of course Cinco de Mayo, none of which is the reason I won't be around that day. That day will be reserved for taking Erich and his one backpack to Tampa, to take him to MEPS, to drop him off and say good-bye. That's the day his life will change more then it ever has before, the day the biggest decision he's ever made for himself will come into effect. It's the day he will be heading to Fort Leonard Wood, MO for Basic Training and AIT. 
We won't know when we'll hear from him next at this point. Won't know how long his in-processing will take and when the actual training will begin. Won't know when he'll be able to call or write, really won't know much for a while. But that's something we'll have to get used to since in the Army nothing is ever really sure to far ahead of time.


But right now he's still here and we're trying to spend as much time with him as possible. His dad does things with him like playing pool, I'm watching movies with him and cooking him is favorite foods - spoiling him a little more for the next couple of weeks after which no more spoiling will be done for quite some time ;-).

One month away

Today it's actually exactly one month away from when we will either drop him off at the recruiters or at the MEPS station, depending on what he prefers - we haven't talked about that yet. Of course this date will only remain intact if he can stop hurting himself like he did last Friday when he rolled his ankle off a curb and almost broke it - luckily he did not and it's healing quite nicely, even if it does have all the colors possible ;)
So anyway, the time has come for him to start packing up his room, to decide what he might want to keep for later on or what he wants to get rid of because he won't ever use it again. Time has come to think about him only being home for the occasional vacation or holiday. Time has come to realize that this is real, and I'm not talking about him leaving the nest, all children do eventually and I've never been a mother to cling on to her child to hard. I've let him go before, but somehow that was different. Although it was during an incredibly tough time I didn't try to talk him out of moving back to Michigan, I figured he'd be back within a couple for month. He wasn't and even though things were then very hard for him in Michigan I didn't try to talk him into coming back either and sure enough, 10 months later he did move back.
This time he will move out and be out for a signed up 6 years if all goes well, and of course we hope that all goes well, and after those 6 years he'll either continue with the Army or he'll be moving lord knows where, he'll be 27 then and possibly have his own family by then. 

And it's not just that he's moving out, again - I do know how to let go, I had to do it enough throughout my life. It's more about where he's going that's making me worry. Oh not so much the first few month, I know he'll do fine through BCT and school, but what about after that? I will have to learn to let those thoughts go and just see this as the new part of his life that it is, with all the risks and growth it entails. I'm sure I will have good and bad days and I'm hoping to hear as much from his as possible, it'll help to know how he's doing.

One month away......so many things to take care of beforehand, to say, to do, to organize......so little time really.

39 more days

As time draws closer the conversations between Jim and I grow more intense and more frequent about Erich's departure. We're reassuring ourselves that all will be fine and he will get out of this experience everything he is hoping to. It's up to him to make it now, there is little we can to do help anymore. Sometimes it feels like I've done what I could as mother, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst - but the best I could and now it's out of my hands, now it's in someone elses. And yet I want to do more, want to prepare him more for the time to come, want to tell him more about experiences I've had in my life just like Jim wants to tell him more about experiences he's had in the Military. Knowing full well that there is little left to tell him that we haven't already and that now it's his turn to make and collect those experiences. 

Conversations with other people about Erich's decision to join haven't all been positive, some have even been negative. Everyone is allowed to their own opinion and I certainly do not have a problem with that. I can only slightly smile at reactions such as: "I would've forbid my child to join and do this". Forbid a 20 year old? Really? 
I guess over time I'll hear more negative things but that's ok, I can handle it. Most of my friends and family are supportive, if not of the Army per se then at least of Erich, and that's all I'm ever asking for.

Just this afternoon Jim and I once again talked about how time is growing closer and how to handle the day of his departure to basic training and later on I mentioned to Erich how it's only a few more weeks and he said: "Mom, it's 39 more days."

39 more days.............

                                                     

Departure is getting closer

Slowly but surely May 5th is creeping up on me and the closer the date of his departure comes the less I know if I'm ready for it. But it really doesn't matter if I am or not, important is that he's ready - and boy is he ever. If it was up to Erich he'd rather leave tomorrow instead of in a few weeks from now. And because I know that's what he wants now I'm excited for him.
It's still an odd thought for me, knowing that when he moves out this time that'll be it, no moving back home anymore I'm sure. He enlisted for 6 years, so the only thing we can expect is him coming home for visits for a while. It's also still odd to think of him as a soldier and I'm sure as much as I'm trying to prepare now it won't really sink in until he leaves, or even more so when we go see him at graduation, and there is no doubt that we will be going there to see him graduate.

He too is preparing by running, cycling, reading about different military things, going to pt with his recruiter and a group of other future soldiers once a week and just doing what he can to stay busy and out of trouble ;).

So life moves forward one day at a time, him usually saying:"but it's such a long time until May 5th yet." And me usually thinking:"it'll be here before we know it."

Future Army Mom

Cape Coral, FL.
16th Feb., 2010



It seems like only yesterday that I was walking around with a big baby belly, anticipating the birth of my first, and as we would later learn my only, child and although we weren't told by any doctor if it would be a boy or a girl we just knew. We knew because we felt it, and we knew because a very important important person in our lives told us and we were right. Before I knew if I was ready to be a mom, or if my still pretty new husband would be ready to be a Dad there he was, our little baby boy Erich. Ready or not the journey began, and now it's been nearly 21 years since it began. It's been quite a ride for all involved I'm sure and every step that boy took had something special about it.
As a mom I wasn't the overly clingy type, willing to a point to let him try things his way, good or bad. He's made some choices in the past that haven't been the best, but haven't we all? He's made some mistakes from which he's hopefully learned from and had things not go the way he's had them planned - but each step made him into the person he has become and will continue to make him into the man he's growing into. And every step has been a learning process for me as well. Both his Dad and I have partially grown up with him and he's taught us things no one else could have.

Even though he's pretty much an adult now, his life continues to change. Circumstances and choices have brought him to this new fork in his road and he's chosen to do something positive with his future. It was a decision that didn't come easy for him and I'm sure he had to wrestle with himself quite a bit to make it, but he did it ~ he's decided that for now the Army would be the right way to go. So he went through his testing, he went through is physical, he's signed and he's focusing on the future. This journey will continue come May 5th when he will head of to Ft. Leonard Wood, MO. for BCT and AIT (school). After that we'll have to wait and see where he'll go.

My feelings about letting my only child head into the Military? It's a bag of mixed emotions, has been from the beginning thoughts of it and will be until well into his career I'm sure. In the end the only thing that matters is that I'm very proud of him and that I will support him whereever and whenever I can. Anything I can do to help him in any way possible I'll be there, and so will his Dad.

From surprising, amazing little bundle of boy to a young man starting his journey toward becoming a proud American soldier - what a road.